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This is new. Head butting to the face was becoming too old and predictable. Hollywood’s made the head-butt part of almost every action scene. It’s even taught in women’s self defense classes. Too predictable, too blase.


Introducing Zinedine Zidane’s “Chest Header”. Is there a better organ to target than the one responsible for blood ciruclation? Nothing says you’re in charge like a stopped heartbeat. I’d be curious to know how many people upon seeing the footage had the initial reaction of, “Wow, that’s new” or “Hmm, what an interesting way to head-butt” rather than “Oh, how awful of him”. Me raise my hand for the former. If anything, it’s time we coined this move and patented it for the great Zinedine Zidane. I propose the following addition to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

v, zidane (zdn)
v. tr. zidannes, zidanned, zidanning
1. The act of retribution seen appropriate only by the administrator of the retribution because of the administrator being privy to knowledge invisible to anyone else, excluding the receiver of the retribution.
2. An act of justifiable revenge.

Ex: I saw John threw a rock at my windshield last night so I zidanned him by killing his dog.

The greatest part of the Chest Header is that the hitter doesn’t feel any discomfort since his skull is coming in contact with “cushion” like lungs rather than a rock like head. The only reason I did not resort to a head butt in the one fight I was in was because the prospect of pain for myself seemed too great. Sure, my opponent would have felt a tinge of agony but what about me? I would’ve assumed the risk of fracturing my skull. Allow me to quote Newton, “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction”. This reaction is far more sustainable if it’s coming from a soggy pair of lungs than a hard head.

So give credit to Zidane for being a creative genius, a man of vision and perhaps even a great warrior. I am sure if he were to fight in a war, he’d be the man leading his army across the frontier, weapon in hand and head pointed forward, like a brave bull.

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